i never really get what i want

i got to leave san juan de dios and thought that i would be making my own decisions by now on where to and what to study... still my parents tell me "you can't have this", "you can't go there", "it's too expensive", "that's not good".. OMFG!!! then you should have done these things during your college years!!! if you want them so badly then why don't you go there and study those f*****' subjects in those f****** schools!!! why do you have to direct my own life! i didn't beg you to give me this miserable life anyways!!

next issue...

what are those messages YOU sent me about?! i don't understand... it's as if you're saying that you are mine but all the other messages are all plain blank.... YOU make me even more miserable... more to that, why don't YOU support my decision to leave.... i told you that i wasn't happy in san juan anymore.... YOU should have done better during my stay so things wouldn't lead to this... and now you're all over my feet, begging... it's too late boy... sorry... ***i still have the same feeling though - you oughta know what i'm talking about***

...

i can write the other issues bogging me... i just don't have the right to have these feelings so i'm ashamed to post them.... all i can say is that **we look good together but we're just plain friends***