a message for no one

after all the things you put me through, i still can't bring myself to hate you. that's why i'm havin doubts if this feeling i have for you is love or obsession. i tell my 'in-lust friend' (see weng's blog)to stop forcing herself to do things for her guy just to make him like her as much as she does. i tell her, that a guy with that attitude and that kind of lifestyle is not worth it. Her other friends tell her that too, she just doesn't listen. And she keeps on getting hurt... then i ask myself, if this is the situation i'm in too. but.. i know that you're not like him. you're nice, you have not a single vice.. and we even like the same things. we play the same sport, we spent so much time together which were almost all for a good purpose. the only mistake here is that you don't like me the way you used to.

are you trying to avoid me? actually, i know you are. do you know that you're the only person who has ever made me like this, the only person who has ever made me make a fool of myself. how could you possibly have had this kind of effect on me when you've given me nothing really special.. not even in your actions... do you know that i kept the gift that you gave me on Dec2005. do you even remember you gave me one? coz i figured you would have forgotten all about it, judging by the looks of it, you gave me that gift because you felt you were obliged to do so. you should be dear! after all the things i've done for you?! that gift wasn't even meant for me, was it? the text on the wrapper read 'irene', then you erased it with an almost out-of-ink felt tip pen. what was inside was actually more insulting, what the heck were you thinkin when you gave me that 'gift', supposedly for irene? pretty special? eh? a pink pencil holder made of a low quality plastic, some of the decorations were even half torn off! - the kind of thing you buy in public markets if you intend to give it as a gift to your classmate for kris kringle back when you were still on elementary.

you said you couldn't go to that single game we had yesterday, to that game i so tried hard to go to coz i thought you were goin to be there.. i tried to reach you, through your numbers, jervis' phone, your classmates.. you didn't even bother to send me ONE reply! noooo! you had to send a message saying you couldn't go to someone else.. i was even excited coz i was really really hoping to have a message in my inbox that read your name.. then you said you still had classes? really? yesterday?! you had classes?! i was at school yesterday too! i was there in the morning before i went to class and i was there before lunch! you didn't have classes! you liar!

what amuses me here is that i'm so tired of all your excuses, of all your favors and all of your bull... but still i don't hate you.. and i still do l*ve you