i've been lying

for the past few weeks, after the 'jonas-incident', i have been lying to a bunch of friends i have at adamson., the people i usually hang around with the whole day.

sa pagsisinungaling ko nalang natutupad ang pangarap ko... my life just sucks big time! it's really a good thing i have my friends.

so what's this lie all about??

this really sucks... i've been telling them that jonas and i are at good terms right now.. as in, we're really doing GREAT.. things like, us spending most of our time together.. hayz.. i shouldn't have started this lie in the first place.. now, i don't know how to put an end to it. it's getting harder and harder everyday, coz usually this group is usually the one i've been running to recently when i have a problem, being the one i see almost everyday... more problems come my way... like last tuesday i was so devastated when jonas went right past me in san juan... i soooo wanted to tell somebody the next day, but with whom could i have shared it with.. that was a hard day for me, i had to put up a smile so that no one would notice... they knew that the only thing that would shut me up was a problem with jonas.... then came this day... i did the usual tap-carlos-on-the-back-then-go-to-our-place-with-the-rest-of-my-compsci-friends-thingy.. then i went back to my new set of friends to chat.. of course, pulling the whole happy act up... then i went back to carlos.. chat... back to my friends... back to carlos again, that's when he said that he had a chat with jonas yesterday... going to the climax of his story, jonas said that i wasn't saying my hellos to him anymore.. SAY WHAT?! the feeling i had that time was incorrigible.. i wanted to cry but i couldn't coz my friends would see... i so badly wanted to tell somebody.. but i just couldn't...

it just that it felt so good... to be able to say that we ARE 'okay'... that just for a moment, i was happy, even though i knew that none of the things i was saying was true...